I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
