How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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