I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
