I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
