While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
