You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
