she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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