Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's like heaven, but drunker
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
