Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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