ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
