i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
