Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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