I'm drive I can fine osifer
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
