we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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