dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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