he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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