I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hippo gnu deer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
