____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
