I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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