Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize