Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
