Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
