How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Randomize
