They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
