He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
