Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry about my life...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
