you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
