Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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