Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
