Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
