He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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