she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
