I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
