Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
