About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
