you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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