Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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