i will never coherently bang her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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