That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
