When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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