I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
