Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
