Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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