I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
