They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
