Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When are your genitals available?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
