Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
