ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
