Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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