Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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