i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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