We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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