I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
