Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize