We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
