why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
