I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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