There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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