In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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