I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
