I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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