ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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