I just saw a hot homeless man
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
